it makes me sad

i got an e-mail from my brother bringing me up-to-date on our dad. if i'm ever diagnosed with alzheimer's and can't do it myself, i beg you to slip me something that will quickly bring about my death.

Let me tell you about Dad. Most of the time he is a happy, friendly guy, who babbles along about his work, and his neighborhood in a conversation that is difficult to follow but not too hard to interact with. His room stinks because he pees on his bathroom floor. His shoes have velcro straps and to him they are Rubic's Cubes. He messes with them constantly and he will never figure them out -- I've got to get him some slippers. Sometimes he stops breathing and that scares the staff, but he wakes up and yells at whoever is trying to revive him, and--- that scares the staff. He sometimes throws temper tantrums, hits, kicks, and scratches. It is amazing how physically able he is compared to everyone else that I've seen in his unit. He has lost weight and become more agile. I'm sure he can out-move any patient in the entire building. This is a problem.

I have to go over there today and find out if I can get him to go with me in the car. He needs to go to the hospital for an evaluation, and will probably have to be relocated to a psychiatric unit. It appears his behavior is getting worse. If not earlier, I will meet with his doctor on Aug. 10. There is still some money left, and his insurance costs half as much as it used to, but now it is almost certain that he'll outlive the funds. So, I need to practice moving him anyway.

Please don't worry about trying to be in touch with Dad. He is already beyond reach. But please know that his nature is a happy one, he has had a good life, and he has given and received much love.