the little things

dear diary, i've probably never told you this before, but getting old sucks. it's not just that you're getting older but it's the little things. a new wrinkle to mar your soft skin. unexplained skin tags and moles that turn up. age-spots that aren't nearly as cute as freckles. your gorgeous hair thinning out in a most horrifying way. a hair on your chin getting coarse and obnoxiously long. your eyesight playing pranks. your legs not wanting to lift up your body after you've bent down. your teeth getting discolored which must be from the pop you drink since you've never smoked.

it's just sad, i tell you. sad and bad. and figuring out ways to handle the little things is a challenge extraordinaire, although i suppose a person does best by just accepting it and dealing with the reality. so, where's the instruction guide?

tongues

just now, as i was thinking about lunch, i thought about 'sausage' then i thought about 'sorcerer' then i thought 'sorsage' -- try to say that fast, three times.

commercials

funny

thoughtful

beautiful

best expression

light-hearted

silly

cool

dramatic

interesting

one of my all-time favs

do this, don't do that, let them do what they want

i think my unhappiness with things nowadays has a direct and very strong tie with my age. i've seen strictness in america (police in the 50's), i've seen dissent (abby hoffman, the weather underground, the black panthers), i've lived the cold war (gary powers, community and basement bomb shelters), seen two presidents shot (kennedy and reagan), seen deadly spy efforts (georgi markov), and seen rules and regulations you wouldn't believe (girls can't wear pants to school, if you missed a deadline there were no second chances, complete statistics about people who lived in a town were available in city directories -- their jobs, salaries, family members and ages, address, phone number, and more).

i don't miss that stuff, but i do have a problem with namby-pamby laws which let criminals off easy, parents who let their kids run amok in stores and restaurants, people who are rude, and the whole litany of political correctness since it's usually waaaaaaaay overdone.

can't we strike a pleasant and reasonable balance?

passages

today is my mother's birthday. she was born in august 1926 and died in january 1988. i am five months older than she was when she died.

i have things i need to talk with her about. still.

kids and words

greasy grimy gopher guts.

that phrase came to mind awhile ago. i couldn't remember anything about it so i wikied it and read a little about it, but that didn't really tug at any memories.

hmmm .... a mystery.

i'm blessed

remember when you were a kid and it was summer time and you were just lazing around doing nothing and a soft breeze was coming in through the open windows making the curtains drift slowly around, folding and unfolding, with an occasional car going by and somewhere off in the distance kids were laughing?

that's what i have right now. my chimes are sweetly ringing in the breeze while the gauzy curtains waft to and fro, the train calls out its passing, a dog parks down the street, and the wild roses outside my window float their fragrance gently past my nose.

i live in heaven.

you heepum big chief, me heepum little guy

our new big boss is supposed to arrive next week. the interim boss has been making enemies left and right with wild abandon, so it will be interesting to see what the new guy is like. everyone is expecting to like him. in the meantime, lots and lots of drama continues. i've managed to stay out of the line of fire, especially since i'm on the bottom of the totem pole, but whoa .... lots of things going on up above. i never thought i'd be so glad to just be a little guy!

back when i was a boy, we had to ....

i have a friend who lives in grand forks, north dakota. recently there was some really bad flooding in that state. some of the damage is shown here -- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2-Ccybv5fo&feature=related .

i found this video of a blizzard which was either right before or right after the flooding. give this a look -- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MNnxE4JqCbU .

the husband and i wax nostalgic at times because we used to live in nebraska and he lived in the black hills of south dakota when he was in high school. we had some really great vacations up there with the boys when they were little. we wonder if we'd like to live back there again.

and then we see a video like those. uhh ... no. probably not.

simple beauty

don't you just love beautiful calendars? lang puts together some really nice calendars and i buy some every few years.

the one i have here at home is called the 2009 road home calendar. it has wonderful landscapes with homes. they are so beautiful they almost make me cry. the husband and i want to move into two of the houses.

the 2010 road home calendar has a couple of the same pictures, but overall more snow pictures than this year. go to that website then click on 'more images' to see the twelve months. i actually like 2009 better than 2010, but still -- they're very evocative. simpler times, younger times, happier times.

another style of calendar they have has recipes on each month. i get a kick out of those. check out the garden recipes -- they give the instructions in pictures!! is that cool, or what! ohmygod, they have holiday peppermint pound cake for december!!! okay, now i have to buy it! i just hope i don't forget!

astroids and death and destruction

have you seen this? pretty cool excitement! yes, i know it was a movie, but the short is pretty good and the music is fab!!

and this is sobering.

then you watch a few more and you think .... "gees, oh well."

what now ...

things are a-changin' at work. we're getting a new big boss sometime soon; we recently got a jr. boss; people from the district office are trying to mess with my job.

hmmmm. not good. for the first time i feel uncomfortable with my job. it seems like they want to give me babysitter duties and i am almost violently opposed to that. i mean, get a grip. i am sick of people not being responsible and not wanting to handle their own issues and wanting someone else to take care of things. whine, whine and all that.

so i'm running scared about what's going on at work. i've thought about trying to get into my immediate boss' office, but it's always so hot in there and there are four people in one space and it gets really noisy, etc. and i think i would hate it, but i would hate babysitting even more.

shit. what to do. what to do. i guess i should just chill and go with the flow, but when the flow appears to be heading for a waterfall, i get nervous. damn.

my weekend

don't you just love three-day weekends? you have an extra day to just do whatever you want. except they somehow fill up and you may or may not get to just lay around and do nothing. but still .... three days!

we went to see the grandaughter yesterday. she's growing so quickly. and cute!! she is adorable! and smart!! she is walking by herself (took off at 9 1/2 months) and saying words (she's 10 1/2 months now) like mama, dada, and lamp! they aren't crystal-clear yet, but by the time they are she may be reading the dictionary.

i simply cannot wait to see what she decides to do as an adult!

back to the community

i gave blood yesterday. the bloodmobile comes around every two months and people donate. it's something my father always did and i've occasionally thought about doing the same.

since i'm the one at work who posts the upcoming bloodmobile visit, it's pretty easy for me to know when it's happening. i haven't done it for awhile, so this time around i decided to try again.

try again? well, yes. since i had breast cancer 16 years ago, there was a long period of time when i couldn't donate. then, several years back, enough time had passed that i decided to donate when an urgent call went out. as soon as they started the draw, i came close to passing out. they laid the chair back, had me move my feet -- i felt like an idiot while they finished collecting and pacifying.

i didn't like that experience (i'm the oldest of four children, i should be an expert at everything), but thought surely i would be able to donate blood this time without problems. even though my veins are hard to find, roll around, collapse easily, i drink plenty of water and should be good to go.

so i went. there were mostly older people, like you'd expect, but while i was there a mid-20's gal came in and gave, and later a mid-20's guy did the same. i filled out the paperwork, waited for the chair (3 of them in this bloodmobile), climbed in and got comfortable, suffered through the VERY stinging stick, looked out the window and enjoyed the view while my blood drained away. after about 6 or 8 minutes, my body caught on to what i was doing and immediately called a halt. head got warm, body felt strange, vision starting going astral. i mentioned i didn't feel very good and they immediately arranged the chair position, told me to move my feet continuously, slapped two ice bags behind my neck, and gave me a small can of apple juice. i had actually lasted until they were finished drawing the blood (yay, me) and when i finished the apple juice and a cookie, i drank a small can of orange juice and ate another cookie. feeling better i drank a bottle of water and ate a third cookie before completely recovering.

they actually didn't invite me back, but i don't know if that was because they didn't want to push me into something i might not want to do, or if they really didn't want me to come back. i'm O-negative, so i'd think they'd just as soon i came back. maybe they just forgot.

i'd really like to be able to do this thing without the drama. i wonder if i just keep going every two months if my body will realize it's no big deal. sigh.

just wondering

wondering about the nightmares i have from this monthly project at work which is so tangled and convoluted ...

wondering about My Younger Son's trip to ireland and if he's enjoying himself ...

wondering about my new grandaughter ...

wondering about my prescriptions and if they need to be adjusted ...

wondering about those canadians and why they can't seem to read road signs ...

wondering about nations who do not believe people are equal to each other and how that is going to affect this country since they seem to be moving here in droves ...

wondering about an obama/clinton ticket ...

wondering if i can just skip thursday and friday and go straight to saturday ...

maybe i should retire. oh, wait ...

today was a stressful day. one of the new tasks they've given me has taken up a LOT of my time lately. i simply HAVE to get this one particular job done for another boss, but something always comes along which has temporary precedence. so, tomorrow i am going to get a few little things out of the way then finish up 'this particular job' and have it completed before i go home at 4:30. i will try to stay cool and calm and take lots of deep, relaxing breaths.

opposing that thought however is this: my boss sent me an e-mail wondering if i'd be interested in heading up the united way fund this year. me interested?? hell nooooooooooooooooo!!!!! i would totally hate doing that and if i am 'encouraged' to do it anyway, it will totally stress me out. she wanted to talk to me about it tomorrow so we'll see what she says.

i plan to start a new habit of recalling the wonderful advice My Older Son gave me recently -- "Remember to slow down and take care of yourself."

like taking deep breaths ... relaxing breaths ... (and maybe turning off the phones)

it's the only explanation

girls, how do you feel about your panty hose? okay, all you older girls then. i guess the young ones don't wear panty hose anymore. but anyhow, are you satisfied?

to me, it seems that some short, misogynistic, puny little guy is sneaking around the various panty hose factories and tweaking their equipment. i mean, what other explanation is there for putting on one leg and having it fit fine, then putting on the other leg and finding that the toe is 90 degrees off. i mean, really. it NEVER goes on my foot in a nice, comfortable way. so i have to twist and maneuver the hose as i'm pulling it up, and i always wonder if that little guy is having a good laugh.

the little battles

as per usual when my inner feisty-girl makes a strong statement, i am confronted with a dilemma: do i keep being miffed at the guy who was rude a couple of days past or do i let it go.

i really wish i could rein in my angry child because she stubbornly insists on having the last, and usually the loudest, word. since the rude incident, however, the aforementioned guy (who heretofore had really never spoken to me) has spoken polite words to me no less than three times. i have (being raised to be polite) spoken polite words back to him.

*sigh* it's a betrayal of my inner angst, but in a cultured society what can you do.

zip, zip, zip...

wow, has it been busy around here lately. i love my job but have awakened several nights thinking at warp speed about incidents, problems, happenings, etc. -- it's very annoying to not be able to get right back to sleep.

yesterday one of the employees was very rude -- i'm not sure he meant to be, he probably was stressed or had other things on his mind so it was nothing. that's a female talking. but as a scorpio i would say, that arrogant prick was rude and i'm waiting for the day when he needs my help 'cause the stupid fucker isn't going to get it. (i have these little battles with myself.)

time to get moving. it's a beautiful day outside and we're having a big meeting at work -- i expect to be busy all day. chow! or is it choi? chau? whatever, see ya later.

Grandfather

My Younger Son's thoughts about his Grandfather ...

to Whom it may concern


hands,
mustache,
barrel laugh and
brown leather.

hands.

breeze of pine,
splash of sun,
sip of A&W's Finest Root Beer.

hands.

...to Whom it may concern:
I don't care what else I forget,
what else becomes misty and gray
and falls away forever.

Just --
let me remember

mustache,
smile,

hands.