sick of them all

my father was a good man who believed in equality and tolerance, and that's the way he brought up us kids. over the years, however, particularly the last ten years, i have become less accepting.

for example, asians who cross the border here in our town have appalling bathroom habits. in the restrooms of the state park on the border and in the restroom in the port of entry, many asians stand on the stool seat to go to the bathroom. often they miss. their weight breaks the stool seat. i have no tolerance of this behavior. if they do not know any better than to go to the bathroom this way, keep them out of the country.

muslim people are a new group which is losing my good faith. at an elementary school in ft collins colorado recently, the american flag was lowered and the saudi arabian flag was raised. there is no reason that should have happened. and then there was the incident at the new york theme park. a group of muslims made plans to go to the park and when the women wanted to ride some of the rides, they were told they could not unless they removed their head scarves. in fact, they had been told that many times before their group arrived. it was a safety issue. and the muslims turned it into a hate issue.

ANY group of people who live in this country but will not honor our flag, speak our language, and pledge to uphold the values this country holds, should leave and never come back. or be thrown out, whichever.

i'm really sick of people in other countries being down on americans, and sick of people in this country being down on americans. political correctness has become a disgusting joke and a way to file law suits. americans are good people with many religions and ways of life. but when you want to walk all over us, and put your beliefs ahead of ours, go live someplace else.

who can you trust?

that stress test -- the one where you're on a treadmill and it keeps going faster -- does it have a shut-off the user can push?

i remember my dad taking that test and suffering extreme pain. he said he told them but they wouldn't shut off the machine. i think he had a minor heart attack during the test and the people running it weren't paying attention. that's unconscionable.

i heard some guys talking about the test the other day, about how it's going very, very fast and then it goes faster.

screw it. some sadist thought up that test.

have they said i need to take the test? no, but it isn't ever going to happen. just like i refuse to do the coloscopy. people can die from that 'staying ahead of the game' procedure.

i've had cancer, chemo, a whole bunch of surgeries, and enough is enough. you don't have to take every single test they insist you do. educate yourself, then make your own decision.

trip home

whoa! muggy here today!

our trip to lincoln was so wonderful. except for the flying, of course. i thought united was supposed to be reliable, but they were very late on both flights connecting with seattle. as it turned out, we arrived back on our doorstep at 1 am monday morning which gave me about 4 1/2 hours to sleep before i headed back to work. mgrruphh.

despite the sad reason for our trip, it was mega-wonderful to have all the family together again. everyone was there -- sons/daughter, grandsons/granddaughter, great granddaughter, and attendant spouses and significant others. it was just like the family reunions i remember with the aunt/uncles/cousins in oklahoma. those traditions really are neat. and important.

i was trying to remember the last time everyone had been together like that and i was wondering if it had been 1988. almost twenty years ago.

but many thanks go out to my brothers/spouses for opening their homes and giving time to all of us. missing everyone and feeling all that love makes me think about moving back to nebraska ... but not for very long. the weather is too punishing. and we're having a taste of it here today. the temp may only be 74* or so, but the humidity in the house is 75+. i wonder what it's like in alaska?

we opened the little memorial crypt at the cemetery and placed dad's ashes alongside mom's. it's hard to think about the fact that she died almost twenty years ago. we listened to part of the tape of the funeral service and watched the video they showed of pictures of him. a video really is a nice addition to a funeral.

it's all just memories now.

been busy

i've been putting off telling about my activities for the last while because they've been so many and i've been so tired. having allergies (and especially being allergic to summer!) is part of that, and getting to bed late, after the plane lands later than scheduled, is the rest.

regardless, i hope this weekend to put thoughts into linear form and fingers to keys with some pictures thrown in along the way.

the trip to lincoln was great -- sad and wonderful all at once. so neat to have everyone together again -- it's been a long, long time.

so i'm off for awhile -- winkin', blinkin', and nod are waiting for me to join them in the shoe ...

i hated flying before but now ...

since we are going to be flying back to say good-bye to my dad, i decided to check out the latest info on airport passenger screening.

there's a 3-1-1 policy in effect regarding liquids/gels in carry-on luggage. i thought the best blurb was here: http://www.tsa.gov/assets/pdf/311-insert.pdf

permitted and prohibited items are explained here: http://www.tsa.gov/travelers/airtravel/prohibited/permitted-prohibited-items.shtm

locks which are allowed on your luggage made by safe skies here: http://www.safeskieslocks.com/
or travel sentry here: http://www.travelsentry.org/products.asp (can be found at the rite-aid right here in our tiny little town.)

i overheard one of the higher ups the other day talking and he said, "the policy is zero-tolerance." so i would suggest we all plan ahead, take a lot of time and bring a good book, stay calm and unruffled, be polite to everyone (especially the tsa people), and of course act intelligently. even if you hate it.

another note

a post-funeral note from my oldest younger brother ...

The funeral was very nice, and well attended. We had lots of flowers, and your's were by far the most beautiful, and the biggest. Those people at Oak Creek are good. I read Kristopher's poem and it choked me up. The minister was impressed by how evocative so few words could be. So was I.

just a note

a post-funeral note from my youngest brother ...

Sorry I didn't update you on Friday, it went fine. The flowers you guys sent were beautiful and arrived on time, I will send you a picture of them but I got busy and forgot to get the pic from the camera to my laptop Friday evening. The funeral was attended by family, some people dad had known over the years, and people we work with. I believe the left-over coffee and lemonade was pitched, but we have frozen the remaining cookies for when you guys can make it to Lincoln. We look forward to seeing you when you can make it to town.

Grandfather

My Younger Son's thoughts about his Grandfather ...

to Whom it may concern


hands,
mustache,
barrel laugh and
brown leather.

hands.

breeze of pine,
splash of sun,
sip of A&W's Finest Root Beer.

hands.

...to Whom it may concern:
I don't care what else I forget,
what else becomes misty and gray
and falls away forever.

Just --
let me remember

mustache,
smile,

hands.

thoughts about my Dad

My Dad was a gentle man. He was patient, good-natured, soft-spoken, and rarely angry. I remember one time when we lived in Curtis -- I had noticed one young tree in our backyard which had somehow lost a little bit of its bark. The part which was showing was smooth and was such a pretty buttery color. So I proceeded to take off more bark, thinking how pretty it made the tree look. I finally took it off all around the trunk. When Dad saw what I had done, he wasn’t very happy about it, but rather than ranting, he explained that I had disrupted the way the tree got its nourishment. I had killed the tree. But his explaining what had happened left a stronger impression on me than if he had gotten angry or if he had punished me.

Dad always felt that everyone was equal, and always said I could be anything I wanted to be. His support, before 1960’s feminism really got it’s start, was fairly unique as I later discovered out in the work world. His sense of fairness was strong and the concept of discrimination was intolerable. He counseled us kids to vote and to be aware of the world around us. We were encouraged to be doers -- to take whatever steps were needed to right wrongs or to stand up for something. He wanted us to stand on our own two feet and be the best that we could be.

Dad had such a nice smile and I enjoyed it when he laughed; it made him even more handsome than he already was. And dance -- he could dance up a storm. Music must have been part of his soul because when Glenn Miller was playing, he couldn’t sit still. If we were out hiking, he’d break into song, teach us some little ditty, or get us singing a round. “To ope’ their trunks the trees are never seen. How then do they put on their coats of green? They leave them out.”

Dad’s compassion and concern for other people’s feelings had a strong influence on me. His teaching of being considerate has stayed with me through many trying situations. And it wasn’t just his words, he taught by doing. I’ll never forget when he came to visit me after I had my mastectomy. He gave me a great big hug, and I knew it was intended to bolster my self-image, to let me know I was still a valuable, loveable person even though I might not feel that way. It was a tremendously kind and loving thing to do.

Kind and loving, that was my Dad. Accepting, supportive, gentle, yet strong and lasting. His teachings, his memories, his goodness lives on. But I shall always miss him.

my Dad

The passing of an icon ...

February 9, 1924 ~ May 30, 2007

He loved and was loved.

my Dad

Dad was moved out of the hospital today. my brother B sent me a note this evening bringing me sadly up-to-date:

We moved Dad to Tabitha today. Yesterday his Dr. said he wouldn't move him unless he seemed pretty strong. This morning another Dr. said he seemed so strong they might move him by van. I went to see him this morning late and he seemed comatose. Someone from Tabitha later told me she insisted he be moved by ambulance. When he got to Tabitha they said he will not last the night. So, we all gathered to say goodby, as he breathed on, and I thought, he'll still be here tomorrow night. We are all the 5 blind men trying to describe the elephant. He goes through stages during the day. In the early part he opens his eyes and talks, seems coherent, but makes no sense. Later he just sleeps and breathes. He is not suffering, he is just leaving slowly, because he has great strength, and loves life.

update on dad

after several e-mails and phone calls, here's what i know about dad: his body is strong. even though he has pneumonia and they are not giving him anything for it, he may still recover. he is getting medication for pain and that is a good thing. and not giving him treatment is also a good thing. 'no resuscitation' is also part of the plan, and he has a living will. his life is not to be extended by medical means but he's always kept himself so healthy, he may outlive us all.

during part of his hospital stay, he has been gone, sort of comatose. and yet, saturday he was awake, alert, and extremely talkative. for the most part his comments were unintelligible, but he wasn't aware of that and happily talked everyone's ear off. at one point uncle L was carrying granddaughter J (who's about three or four now, i think) and stood beside dad's bed. when dad realized someone was there, he turned to L, saw J, and said "Well, hi there cutie!" then he was distracted and turned away. it was a sweet moment.

apparently the doctor thought he'd probably die by yesterday and the nurse thought maybe by tuesday, but it's all a guessing game. he has to stay in the hospital (for the infamous insurance purposes) until tuesday, and after that will probably be moved to a hospice location. unless he's able to dance out of the hospital in which case it's back to an alzheimer's unit.

this is all so amazing. and i think he'd get a very big kick out of surprising everyone and keeping the experts guessing.

my dad

i got this note from one of my brothers this evening:

Today I checked Dad into the emergency ward of St. Elizabeth with pneumonia. He developed a respiratory infection a couple days ago, I asked this morning if he had pneumonia and was told no. About an hour later they called to say his lungs seemed to be filling up, they had him on oxygen, and they wanted me to ok sending him to the hospital. I did, they did, and then I wondered if I should have. This is tricky business. His wishes were not to have his life prolonged beyond a certian level of quality, as you know. I believe we have discussed this sufficiently, and my feeling is that we see it the same way. Still some decisions have to be made, and after seeing him at the hospital I feel I did the right thing by saying yes. He still may not survive this, but they can do more for his comfort at the hospital than at the home. I'll keep you posted.

losing someone just sucks.

the latest on Bumpah

"The latest news on Dad is that he seems to have had a mild stroke. He has lost some control on the left side of his face, and leans to that side. Clearly he is in the terminal stage of his disease. This is such a strange way to lose someone. It is like he has been gone for some time, but some part is still here. Maybe I can understand how Hamlet felt when he was haunted by dreams of his fathers ghost. No, he was crazy, I'm not. Thank goodness I don't have that mother/uncle problem. They are taking good care of Dad at Ashland. They are very upbeat, cheerful people, and I can tell that he likes them."