a scarecrow

when i went through chemo for breast cancer which was diagnosed in 1992, the prevailing dogma was that nothing crossed the blood-brain barrier therefore any new mental problems were not caused by the drugs, that mental concerns would resolve themselves after treatment, or that "you're simply upset, honey, just trust us to know what's best."

now, of course, chemo-related mental problems are acknowledged as 'chemo brain' -- a scurrilous term applied to a condition that has been researched but continues to be under-studied.

i ran through several articles to see what the internet had to report. most of them said the condition was temporary and would be resolved within two to ten years, it was hard to study the condition without knowing the patient's mental levels before chemo, and that yes some drugs do cross the barrier (one of them being methotrexate which was one of the three given to me).

well, it's been fifteen years and i still miss the level of acuity i had before 1992. but my cancer was very aggressive so i believe it was handled the best it could have been back then. and i've loved being alive to see my kids grow up and to deepen my relationship with the husband. still, as d.q. once said, "What a terrible thing to have lost one's mind. Or not to have a mind at all." (for more quotes, go here.)